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Life Is Messy & Often Complicated

Updated: Mar 9, 2022

Join me on a journey as I dive into blogging for the first time ever. I won't promise you it will be pretty. You will probably laugh, cry, or both, and it very well may be from how messy this is!

We’ve all heard that phrase before. I think if you haven’t, you’ve clearly been living under a rock. This is my first blog post for my website. Years ago I thought I would try my hand at blogging. I failed miserably. Why? I don’t recall what I tried writing for starters, and other than that I was just plain embarrassed to put myself out there.

Truth is, I am still embarrassed. No one likes to be judged. No one wants someone to read what we wrote, silently correct our grammar, and form an opinion about us. I am however going to attempt to put this fear to the back of my mind, and write like no one is reading!

We recently moved out of my home state and into a beautiful new one. It is quite the opposite of where we came from in Jersey. For starters, there is no ocean, and it is extremely green! It's very relaxing here, and people LOVE golf! As a matter of fact, that is the number one thing to do here. You will not find anything else to do. There is no Target, no SkyZone, and no mall. Do I miss Target? Yes! Will I survive? Well I can always drive an hour and 15 minutes to the nearest Target, so I think I will. : )

Several years ago I was diagnosed with what is called Hemiplegic Migraines. Before you start thinking, “Oh, I get migraines too”, it’s not what you think. You see, Hemiplegic Migraines affect only about 3% of Americans. It is a cousin to a seizure, but it looks like you are having a stroke. For me, I lose the right side of my body. It becomes completely weakened, and can result in me being unable to walk, talk, or hold things. I also become disoriented, tired, confused, and I have been known to stutter-a lot! There’s so much to this neurological disorder, but most importantly I want people to understand that you do not have to have a migraine or a headache. It’s actually much worse. Hemiplegic Migraines can lead to stroke, a coma, or death! Heck, I don’t even recall a year of my life because of this issue.

And yet I press on! I have 4 amazing children to take care of so I have to! Each of my children is unique and talented in their own way. I often wonder, like most parents, if I have done enough, if I am doing enough, if I am enough, or if I prepared them for what lies ahead! I refuse to pretend like we are a perfect family, and I will not apologize for that. No family is perfect, and I think that is ok. So if I know you and you’re reading this saying “Why would she tell the world about this and that, people will start to think differently of you or the kids.” My response to that is, so let them! They are the ones with the problem. Like I said, no one is perfect. I could give so many examples of that in my life...

Carissa, my only daughter, is extremely bright. She has an obsession with Starbucks and Disney. I mean, who doesn’t love Starbucks and Disney? She’s very artistic, so she enjoys drawing as well. I forgot to mention that she is funny as all get up. She’s seen “The Office” 4 times through, “Parks and Recreation”, and “Gilmore Girls”. She is very quiet, and I often don’t know what she’s thinking. She’s also a teenager, so am I even supposed to know what she’s thinking?

My oldest son, George, has Asperger’s and has high functioning Autism. He thinks so differently from me. Sometimes it is very frustrating and he tests my patience. He is awesome in Math and Science. He loves History as well. Language Arts is not his thing because he has a hard time thinking in gray. Everything is either black or white, there is no in-between. Because he thinks in algorithms, he can solve several different types of Rubix Cubes, play chess, and is an incredible gamer. He keeps a collection of about 20 Knuffle Bunnies, and knows the name of each one!

Charlie is my third child. He has the biggest heart and lives life in a bubble. I am ok with that. He is bright and has a good mind. Like George, he loves Math, Science, and Social Studies. He’s big into drawing (maps are his favorite), and LOVES music of all kinds. If we lived closer to where concerts were put on, I would take him all the time. It wouldn’t matter the music, he would just have the best time ever. Oh, I forgot, he loves his Teddy. It’s his most prized possession along with his golden curls.

Christian is my youngest. He is hysterical like Carissa, yet he’s smart like the rest. We are still working on numbers and letters, but he’s not yet 4 so I can forgive him. He loves Peppa Pig, PJ Masks, and Toy Story. He also loves his Papou whom he has to Facetime several times a day. Strawberries, blueberries, grapes, and apples are his favorite, and he cannot sleep without his lamb.

I’ve had 9 surgeries total! They weren’t because I am addicted, like someone in my family once suggested. They were medically necessary. Honestly, if I were doing a “pleasure surgery” I would have a tummy tuck, my buns lifted, cellulite removal, or something that would enhance my look. Instead I have had 1 right knee surgery (ACL & meniscus), 1 right ankle surgery (torn ligaments), 1 right wrist surgery (town ligaments all the way around), 4 left knee surgeries (ACL & meniscus, meniscus, clean up, and meniscal transplant), and 2 left shoulder surgeries (torn bicep, labrum, ligaments, cyst in the back of my shoulder, malformed bone, bone spurs, fluid, scar tissue, and something else that I am drawing a blank on). My body has been physically put through the ringer with sports and “old” age. The last 4 surgeries were all done within the last year and I am still in recovery and physical therapy. The left knee and left shoulder have been tough. Sitting around (aside from PT) has been frustrating, especially when you are used to living an active lifestyle, and you are “getting fat”.

Speaking of getting fat. How frustrating is it when you are trying to lose weight and you can’t even after you have been following the advice of a registered dietician? How frustrating is it when a family member feels like they should tell you that you’re fat, like I don’t need a mirror or a scale. I got someone telling me that I’ve put on weight, reminding me that I am a failure. It’s a wonder I was anorexic for a time in my life years ago.

People need to remember to be kind. We don’t know what anyone else is dealing with, and quite frankly, that should just be the golden rule that we live by. We should want others to succeed. We should want others to feel good about themselves. We should want people to be happy doing whatever it is they want. And for goodness sake, if someone shares a dream that they have in their heart, don’t stomp on it, celebrate it.

This first blog post may be all over the place. I did say in the very beginning that life is messy and often complicated! My blog may not be perfect, and I promise you they won’t ever be perfect, but I literally don’t care! I am going to celebrate just posting it and maybe someone other than my Yiayia reading it (not that there's anything wrong with just Yiayia reading it)!!!

Here’s to many more blogs to come. Whatever they may be.

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